I feel like this is all so new again, even though its not. this is my worst subject, my most feared area. I have been working on it for years, and i thought i made progress. im once again making the same mistakes, I’m back to square one, im back to wondering what i already know about. my main problem is I’m afraid i wont be accepted by the gay community, that i will be deemed as ugly and never find a mate. perhaps a irrational fear it still haunts me. Im scared people will judge me for being gay before they know me, that my patients will flee and not want a gay doctor, that my sexuality could hinder my success. that my family will hate me, that they will never see me as a person because all they will see is my sexuality. I fear that too accept it I have to flaunt it, that i have to be extreme that i have to prove it is right, instead of just knowing it is. that i will have to fight off opposition instead of enjoying what i am.  when will things change, how can they. i don’t have any gay friends, I am detached from my subculture. The truth is my subculture intimidates me, because im so scared they will not accept me, and if they do only accept me as a person and never all a challenger for a mate.

  1. xdinc posted this